Don’t Ask Me to Explain. You Just Have to See This Photo of Macaulay Culkin.


(Knock knock)

“Who’s there?”

“Pizza.”

“Pizza who?”

“Pizza-themed Velvet Underground cover band Pizza Underground.”

“What?”

“I said, we’re Pizza Underground. We’re a…hey, can you hear me through this thing? Look, maybe you should open the door.”

“No, no, I can hear you fine. Did you say you were a pizza-themed cover band?”

“A pizza-themed Velvet Underground cover band, yes. Have you heard of the Velvet Underground?”

“And what are you selling?”

“Well, nothing, really. I mean, I guess technically we’re selling pizza-themed Velvet Underground cover songs.”

“I think you have the wrong house.”

“No, look, you know Macaulay Culkin?”

“My family is just sitting down to dinner. I really don’t have time for this.”

“Macaulay Culkin? The actor? Home Alone, The Good Son? You know him?”

“Yes, I know of Macaulay Culkin.”

“He’s with us! He’s in the band.”

“Please. I don’t want to have to call the police.”

“No, look, I’m going to slide this photo under the door, ok? (slides photo under door) You see that? That’s a photo of Macaulay Culkin wearing a shirt with a picture of Ryan Gosling wearing a shirt with a picture of Macaulay Culkin on it.”

“Now does that not blow your mind?”

“Sir?”

“Sir??”

“Yes.”

“Yes, what?”

“Yes, it blows my mind.

“OK…OK! Now we’re cooking with fire! So, how about it, friend? You want to open the door and let us in? It’s freezing out here.”

“Yeah…yeah, OK. (begins unlocking door) Honey, could you make up some more spots at the table? A pizza-themed Velvet Underground cover band is going to be joining us for dinner…Don’t ask me to explain. You just have to see this photo of Macaulay Culkin.”

The End.

(via Bullett Media)

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DONALD TRUMP & DEMOCRACY

Mother Jones was founded to do things differently in the aftermath of a political crisis: Watergate. We stand for justice and democracy. We reject false equivalence. We go after, and go deep on, stories others don’t. And we’re a nonprofit newsroom because we knew corporations and billionaires would never fund the journalism we do. Our reporting makes a difference in policies and people’s lives changed.

And we need your support like never before to vigorously fight back against the existential threats American democracy and journalism face. We’re running behind our online fundraising targets and urgently need all hands on deck right now. We can’t afford to come up short—we have no cushion; we leave it all on the field.

Please help with a donation today if you can—even just a few bucks helps. Not ready to donate but interested in our work? Sign up for our Daily newsletter to stay well-informed—and see what makes our people-powered, not profit-driven, journalism special.

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