Brownback Doing Just Fine in the Polls, Thank You Very Much

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In an encouraging sign for right-wing Bible thumpers who want to see the American government run like a Christian theocracy, Kansas Senator Sam Brownback (“God’s Senator”!) has done surprisingly well in recent head-to-head polls against Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama.

Sen. Hillary Clinton – 46%
Sen. Sam Brownback – 41%

Sen. Barack Obama – 49%
Sen. Sam Brownback – 34%

I hope we can chalk this up to the fact that most Americans don’t know much about Sam Brownback. Like how he refused to sign Newt Gingrich’s Contract with America because it wasn’t conservative enough. Or how his political idol is Jesse Helms. Or how his wife boasts, “Basically, I live in the kitchen.” Or how he once stonewalled a judicial confirmation because the nominee had attended the lesbian commitment ceremony of a longtime neighbor’s daughter. Or how he said that abortion has become such a problem in America that youth today “feel they’re the survivors of a holocaust.” Either Americans are willing to answer poll questions about people they are almost completely ignorant of, or there’s some divine intervention going on here.

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Clara Jeffery, Editor-in-Chief

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