Anna Nicole Smith’s Death–Biggest News Event in Recent History!

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Anna Nicole Smith’s death is apparently the biggest story of the 20th and 21st centuries. If you were watching cable news yesterday, you already know that the largest stories of that time period are of course, (5) the Great Depression, (4) Vietnam and the peace movement, (3) the fall of the Soviet Union, (2) WWII and the dropping of the atom bomb, and (1) the death of a former Playboy Playmate who married for money and in some way embodies the perversion of the American Dream.

The good people at ThinkProgress must have a team of 800 research monkeys, because they’ve tallied the number of times the three major cable news networks referenced Anna Nicole Smith and the number of times they referenced Iraq, just to illustrate the insanity.

The results:

Network Anna Nicole Smith Iraq
CNN 141 27
FOX NEWS 112 33
MSNBC 170 24

You thought ThinkProgress would stop there? These are very hard-working research monkeys, people, and they are inspired by knowing they do God’s work. (As an aside, can you imagine being assigned this project by the boss? “Hiiiii, Peter. I’m going to need you to watch hours of cable news that is saturated with worthless drivel, just to catalogue exactly how much drivel it is saturated with. Mmmmm’kay? Don’t forget the TPS reports!”)

No, sir. They go further — courageously, valiantly, with no fear for their own health — detailing the amount of time NBC, ABC, and CBS spent on Anna Nicole Smith vs. Iraq. (It’s particularly bad for NBC, which spent 14 seconds on Iraq and three minutes and 13 seconds on ANS.) And to top it all off, they created a video with the lowlights, in which you can actually see Joe Scarborough scowling in disgust with himself and his producers. I can’t post all that here, because you really ought to visit ThinkProgress to see everything in it’s full majesty. The devolution of television news is upon us, and I know it makes you want to choke on your own vomit. (Sorry, too soon, I know.)

As Dan Rather would say: Courage!

–Jonathan Stein

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