As near as I can tell, pretty much everyone in America is on Donald Trump’s email list. But just in case you’re not one of the lucky ones, I thought I’d bring to your attention that Trump is having a big sale on Gold Executive Membership Cards:
During the past year, we have given them to especially generous and loyal patriots who can be trusted to guide our campaign and support us all the way through Election Day. So I want you to carry your own Donald J. Trump Gold Executive Membership Card.
….Only supporters who have donated $100 or more are carrying these Executive Membership Cards. But Kevin, I know you can bring a lot to our team, so if you’ll donate just $35, I will make sure you get your own personalized Gold Executive Membership Card.
You can keep it in your wallet right next to your Trump Decoder Ring (everything decodes to “the media is against me”).