Watch and Be Amazed as the Internet Becomes a Parody of Itself

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It’s about time we had a rigorous, quantitative way of telling our friends what we really think of them. Meet Peeple, coming soon to a smartphone near you:

When the app does launch, probably in late November, you will be able to assign reviews and one- to five-star ratings to everyone you know: your exes, your co-workers, the old guy who lives next door. You can’t opt out — once someone puts your name in the Peeple system, it’s there unless you violate the site’s terms of service. And you can’t delete bad, inaccurate or biased reviews — that would defeat the whole purpose.

Sounds like a libel suit waiting to happen, doesn’t it? Exciting! In any case, here’s the deal: When Peeple launches, I want every one of you to download the app and rate me with one star. Zero stars if possible. For a brief moment, I want to be the worst person in the world. This will be my 15 minutes of fame.

Unfortunately, I know my readers. You probably think this sounds like a hoot, but you’re too lazy to actually do it, aren’t you? I guess I don’t blame you. I am too.

Oh well. But one more thing before I end this post. According to Caitlin Dewey, “You can already rate restaurants, hotels, movies, college classes, government agencies and bowel movements online.” Bowel movements? Well fine. I would give today’s four stars. No, wait. Five stars. It was pretty excellent.

POSTSCRIPT: There’s already an app-enabled camera for your front door called Peeple, a poorly-reviewed Tyler Perry movie called Peeples, a kids’ toy called Creeple Peeple, and a “urine-induced art” package called Peeple (you put the peeple in urinals, and they slowly lose their clothes as you pee on them). These guys couldn’t think of a more unique name for their ridiculous app?

ANOTHER POSTSCRIPT: I sure hope we’re allowed to change our ratings in this app. When some little rat bastard of a “friend” refuses to let me borrow his lawnmower, I want an easy way to punish him.

DOES IT FEEL LIKE POLITICS IS AT A BREAKING POINT?

Headshot of Editor in Chief of Mother Jones, Clara Jeffery

It sure feels that way to me, and here at Mother Jones, we’ve been thinking a lot about what journalism needs to do differently, and how we can have the biggest impact.

We kept coming back to one word: corruption. Democracy and the rule of law being undermined by those with wealth and power for their own gain. So we're launching an ambitious Mother Jones Corruption Project to do deep, time-intensive reporting on systemic corruption, and asking the MoJo community to help crowdfund it.

We aim to hire, build a team, and give them the time and space needed to understand how we got here and how we might get out. We want to dig into the forces and decisions that have allowed massive conflicts of interest, influence peddling, and win-at-all-costs politics to flourish.

It's unlike anything we've done, and we have seed funding to get started, but we're looking to raise $500,000 from readers by July when we'll be making key budgeting decisions—and the more resources we have by then, the deeper we can dig. If our plan sounds good to you, please help kickstart it with a tax-deductible donation today.

Thanks for reading—whether or not you can pitch in today, or ever, I'm glad you're with us.

Signed by Clara Jeffery

Clara Jeffery, Editor-in-Chief

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