Ahoy, Special Interest Maties!

Nine supposedly fun cruises you’ll never do again.

Illustration: Gordon Studer

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Ahoy, special-interest maties! If classic cruise activities like shuffleboard and midnight buffets don’t float your boat, fear not. With apologies to the late David Foster Wallace, here are some other niches in the sea.

MacMania Cruise Six days of seminars such as “Backing Up Your Mac” and “The Nooks and Crannies of the Mac OS”; past celebrity passengers have included Apple cofounder Steve Wozniak.
Supposedly Fun Thing You’ll Never Do Again: Reboot over the railing

Gothic Cruise Now in its 19th year, a week of Rocky Horror nights, masquerade balls, and boatloads of eyeliner
Supposedly Fun Thing You’ll Never Do Again: Slather on the spf 100

The Dr. Laura Cruise Last year’s voyage included four days of private book signings, wine tasting, fitness and makeover demos, and intimate morning walks with the conservative radio host.
Supposedly Fun Thing You’ll Never Do Again: Learn about the proper care and feeding of cabana boys

Smoking Cessation Cruise Eight days of counseling and nonstop distracting entertainment
Supposedly Fun Thing You’ll Never Do Again: Ignore that you are stuck on a long white object with smoke coming out of it

The Great Gig in the Sea Pink Floyd Cruise Three days with cover band Think Floyd USA
Supposedly Fun Thing You’ll Never Do Again: Write “wish you were here” postcards

Bloggers’ Cruise Five days with Carnival Cruise director John Heald, who blogs about…cruises
Supposedly Fun Thing You’ll Never Do Again: H/T John Heald

Girl’s Get-a-Way Cruise Four days of single-sex Christian sailing, with G-rated stand-up, “Modest Is Hottest” fashion shows, and Full House star Candace “D.J.” Cameron Bure
Supposedly Fun Thing You’ll Never Do Again: Kiss tan lines goodbye with your long-sleeved bathing suit

Sandra Day O’Connor Cruise Twelve days on the high seas with the ex-high court justice
Supposedly Fun Thing You’ll Never Do Again: Wear your “friend of the court” briefs

Creation Cruise Last year’s passengers spent seven days at rest, marveling at Alaska’s glaciers—which are only 6,000 years old!
Supposedly Fun Thing You’ll Never Do Again: See polar bears before God calls them home

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